Fitness Friday 5

Hello Fellow Fitness Friday folks,

So this week, we’re to share our weight timelines—how we got where we are & where we want to be at the end of the “losing” part of the process. I don’t say the end, since it’s not really the end—it’s only the beginning of the maintenance part where I stay fit & healthy. Before I go into that, here’s what happened this week:

Went to the gym M,T,W, & F afternoon. Wednesday was a crazy-late day thanks to taking care of Christmas show stuff, so no morning workout for me that day (went to bed at midnight). And I still needed to catch up on sleep Friday morning, so I will workout in the afternoon. (Note—I wrote this while at work. Just putting it on paper & knowing I was going to post it was the motivation I needed to actually DO it. Yay! Typing this still wearing my sweaty gym clothes.)

Lost .8 pounds this week, for a total weight loss of 72.5 pounds.

Eating was good, although a lot of dinners were eaten while running various errands. And tonight we go out with UB’s parents, then tomorrow night we eat at church before play rehearsal. So I’m not in control of what’s offered, but I AM in control of what & how much I eat of what’s offered.

So how did I get to my top weight & where do I want to end up? I, like Juliemom, grew up as a skinny kid. However, I didn’t have any very-thin sisters to compare myself to, and NO ONE in my family ever, ever, ever spoke of weight & losing weight or dieting or anything else of the sort. (Well, until I was a teenager and my dad tried to motivate me to get in shape. Didn’t work so well. You can click here for more on that family dynamic...) So I spent my childhood blissfully unaware of the importance of being thin. I was just an active kid: I rode my bike & swam & climbed trees & went to the park & explored in the woods & went sledding in the winter & built snowmen & had a grand childhood full of play. Then we moved to another house when I was in 7th grade—this one was on a street near busy roads, and the opportunities to go to the park, ride my bike, etc. were lessened. I was also getting older, getting more homework, and finding my interests ran to reading, music, academics, etc. All good things, but sedentary things. And my pubescent growth spurt ended at around 13-14 years of age. However, I kept eating as though I were active & growing. It was then that, ever so gradually, the weight began to creep on. By the time I graduated from high school I was a size 18/20.

Bring on college & work—ah, work! It would help to mention that I worked for 7 years at Dunkin’ Donuts. (pause here for collective gasp) Now, I was on my feet & burning calories, but I was also eating a lot of calories. And really, even though I was heavy, I could still move quickly & work hard. The slower skinny girls needed to stay out of my way or I would run them over. My natural tempo is set to “presto;” I talk fast, think fast, eat fast, walk fast, etc. And until recently, the extra weight didn’t slow me down. I also identified myself most strongly with my musical & academic skills. I grew up in a middle class, one income family. I never had really nice clothes or very many of them; my mom wasn’t into the hair & fashion thing so I wasn’t either. I wasn’t ugly, but I was never pretty; my looks were never what attracted people to me. It was my personality & talent, and I was OK with that. Really—I would rather be smart than pretty any day. And I knew I had potential; I just didn’t care enough to pursue it. (Hence the not knowing how to curl/brush/style my hair.) And not having a pretty sister helped—although I did have beautiful cousins. I remember only feeling inadequate when looking at pictures of us all together. When I was with them, they were just my fun cousins whom I loved and they loved me and we enjoyed being together and I forgot that they were so much prettier & more fashionable than I was. And besides, I was the smart one.

Fast-forward to successfully finishing college, working with children both professionally & in church, being involved in music & drama ministries, learning sign language, making great friends, and spending my energy on everything but taking care of myself physically. Didn’t really need to (so I thought)—I was still accomplishing a lot & learning a lot & feeling pretty good. Every now & then, I would wish that the Skinny & Pretty Fairy would visit me in the middle of the night so I could wake up thin & knowing how to dress myself better. But then my busy life would take over, I was surrounded by loving friends and family, and in the end, being content to be smart & competent won out over wanting to be pretty & trim. And I gained steadily, every year, knowing deep down that it wasn’t good but I wasn’t willing to do anything about it.

So God finally made my extra weight painful enough to motivate me. I don’t know exactly when it started, but my weight gain caused me to develop sleep apnea. It went undetected for years, and in those years I began to slow down. I tired easily, and I forgot things. Like appointments, student’s names, my to-do lists. Reading music became harder and I would go to meetings with my fellow music teachers to talk about what we were doing with our students, and I couldn’t remember what I was doing. I couldn’t retain new information and getting at known information was difficult—I would often stutter & struggle to finish my sentences.

So not only was I now fat, I was fat AND stupid. And that was COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE. Once I was diagnosed and began treatment, I realized 2 things: 1.) the forgetfulness wasn’t my fault since it was fatigue—I really wasn’t a bad teacher or stupid or unorganized and 2.) the forgetfulness WAS my fault since my bad habits had resulted in this condition.

And for the first time, I was motivated to change. Upon getting my brain back, I had the ability to plan & think & plot so I could successfully implement the necessary changes. No more passive, wishful thinking about how nice it would be if the Skinny Fairy would visit me in the night. Know what? I AM THE SKINNY FAIRY. And not one of those fairy-tale ones with wispy wings either; think GI Jane in combat boots, armed with strategies and battle plans and the fierce desire to never, ever, go back to the way I was before.

So where do I want to be? Well, my goal weight is 152 pounds, which will be a 140.5 pound loss. Yes—do the math & I was 292.5 pounds. I’ll spare you having to scroll up—that means I weigh 220 pounds now. Whatever my number, my goal is to be fit & trim for the rest of my life—I want to carry around ONE person’s worth of weight, thank you very much. I want to enjoy my food without guilt and without overindulgence. I want to ride my bike and run in the various fund-raising events held in my area. I want to shop in the other side of the store. I want to pass by a mirror and think “Hey—that’s me! That’s what I was created to look like!” I want to know that I am finally being obedient to the voice of the Holy Spirit that has been chiding me for years. I want to be an example of the blessings that come with obedience. I want to give UB an upgrade; he married me for my mind & personality, but I tell him I’m working on becoming a trophy wife.

And the beautiful thing is, one day I will write that, by God's grace, I have accomplished all of the above. I know this. I look forward to that day, and I do hope ya’ll are around to share it with me.